Forget Me Not #Poetry

Shattered prisms 

crashing down
on black and white keys 

To a symphony of 

broken chords 

and heartbeats.

You were my music

and now I can barely breathe.

You were a breeze 

before a storm

Just like this

that enveloped me

in solemn peace.

The pain I feel is searing 

My chest is so heavy

As I remember 

that moment you looked 

at me deeply 

and I felt my soul dance

Just the touch of your hand

and you whispering softly

and every single memory…

But you couldn’t let go

of all of your ghosts and shadows

and see the real me.

I wonder at how my heart is
still beating at all,

when it feels like it’s bleeding

& I am holding my breath

Still waiting for those 

walls to fall…

Still hoping you’ll find your way back to me.

I will guard our love
While I wait patiently

for you to find me and 

Still hoping I’ll wake again any moment

with my cheek pressed

against your steady heartbeat.

My fingers are still trembling

Waiting for this storm to pass

and poised and ready

to continue our melody. 

I still see you in my dreams.

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Luminescence – A Poem

Stardust // sparks
as I mend your wings tonight, 

I weave and carve

rearranging constellations

bending moonlight

and falling stars together

into an irridescent design

A silver needle tends

to black velvet feathers,

with its luminescent fringe

patched with imagination

and unshelved sense of self

and soon you’ll find 

you can fly again //

But healing takes time

While I mend your wings tonight.

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Heavy – A Poem

Tired toes tap on cooling concrete

as Mosquitos and the Blues are buzzing 

Low and lonely in my ears tonight

Summer heat hangs heavy 

like ancient memories and I-

Just wish you were with me

on these melancholy steps

and I wouldn’t trade your 

company for

anybody’s shadow //

Baby, you don’t even know

Baby, if you could only see

the colors harping 

these heartstrings

I can’t sit still 

so I’ll keep swaying

and lift my mind

from that grave that 

the neighbor’s dog 

digs deeper everyday

beneath that old, old tree

and keep squinting up 

at the hazy stars above me

See, I’ve already waited a decade

So I’ll keep waiting…

and I’ll keep on swaying

Really now // baby //  what’s another day? 

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You Just Don’t Understand

I’m sitting here with Michael Jackson’s “Black or White” blasting in my ears on repeat with my sunglasses, and tapping my feet. This song has everything to do with this post and I can only handle certain songs this loud. This is one of them. 

My brain is tumbling many things and thoughts over and over again like sea glass. Sometimes a sharp part will hit home and I have to keep it going until it’s smooth in my mind.
I was recently challenged to think of something in a brand new way. I had shared a screenshot from a Facebook group for adults with ASD with my friend about how “NTs” (non autistic population) just don’t understand autistic people. Her response wasn’t to laugh or think it was funny at all. 

She instead asked me if I was bitter towards people who are not on the Autism Spectrum. It took me by complete surprise. My first reaction was to defend myself. I didn’t understand why any one could think that I would not like anyone at all.

She shared that she herself had taken the “Aspie” quiz and fell somewhere in between (50/50) and said she didn’t fit in either group: non autistic or autistic and I was still confused and said that I saw that as a good thing. She could see both sides. Then it hit me. Sides. Why do we have sides at all?

There are plenty of people who are not on the Autism Spectrum and plenty who are who already think and believe what I’m about to share but I’m worried that there are people (both) in general who don’t. This hadn’t even occurred to me. 

I want to be sure I make it clear that I do no hate non-autistic people and never have but even joking about how “NTs” and how they don’t understand autistics or similar statements or even jokes about non-autistics are just as harmful or hateful as jokes or discriminatory comments about autistic people. 

There should be no sides. We are all human and to make this a little more concrete or “black and white” thinking, I’m going to drive this home, quite literally, with those terms.

What if the comments that people made (autistic or not) were changed up a bit? What if we removed the words “non autistic” or “autistic” from those jokes or comments and replaced them with the terms “black” and “white” or “gay” and “straight”? 

When what she was sharing finally hit home, my heart dropped. It’s never supposed to be about one side of the human spectrum or the other. Whether we are autistic or non autistic, gay or straight, and no matter the color of our skin- it’s all one big spectrum of various colors, in our sexuality, our physical skin color, and our neurological perspective. 

So what does this mean? It means that there is no turf war. Hate is never okay. I think the hate that occurs develops because we feel this sense self righteous anger towards discrimination but we cannot group people into sides. This is not a war against autistics. Everyone, no matter where they fall on the spectrum in this human race needs to be working towards the same goal of better understanding each other.

If we stop defending our ‘sides’ and instead start asking questions, is there any need to even take a ‘side’? If autistics tweet, post memes, and “preach” about how others need to accept us just the way we are and that is all about loving one another- it’s a two way street. 

We, as a human race, should be respecting each other regardless… because true love does not discriminate and the best way to teach others this mentality has nothing to do with memes or t-shirts. 

We have to lead by example.

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Ganymede – A Poem

The pavement rough

beneath my knees 

I adjust the lens again

& gaze back up above at 

a glittering night sky





I wonder why

I wonder how

I wonder when

Thoughts lost in

a tidal locking orbit

and then –

Like a blast from 1610

a habit’s darkness lifts

As I lean back as

and breathe in –

Seeking my Callisto

a tangible Ganymede

My eyes drift left to right 

But some things

we aren’t meant to know. 

I squint back

into my telescope

Praying to become an

emotional Galileo 

counting moons

collecting constellations

in tattered pockets

to light my journey on.

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Unconditional Love #Autism

I have always wanted to make a difference.

As a child, when I saw another child being bullied, I would sit beside them. I didn’t know how to make friends. To be honest, I’m not sure I ever will but that wasn’t why I sat beside them. I sat beside them because I felt this physical pain when I saw someone else in pain. 

As a teenager, I would do random things like put my spare change on top of pay phones with a note that said “Pay it forward.” I was so determined to simply make a difference in someone else’s life. I was mocked for bringing my Bible to school, bullied for not ever fitting in….My clothes never quite seemed to be good enough. I thought I needed to be popular to have friends as I went from school to school. It never happened and I usually had very few friends. I was wrong in my thinking but I would learn an important lesson later on.

As I got older I looked for ways to do simple acts of kindness. There was something so incredible about seeing joy on someone else’s face. To see them light up. It made me light up too. 

When I graduated from high school I moved to Los Angeles where I saw poverty and felt it just the same. I remember the day I cut up my moving boxes and laid them down on steel springs with a blanket. This was to be my bed for awhile. I started to feel some bitterness but I was still determined. I still tried to find ways to help the less fortunate regardless whether it was handing someone my bus pass on my walk home from work or buying a sandwich for someone pan handling. They didn’t know that I often ate only once a day myself.

There were relationships I endured thinking “What would Jesus do?” I started feeling… tired and I will never forget hitting rock bottom living in a motel in a city I barely knew singing myself to sleep. Although rock bottom seemed like it was to be the norm for awhile.  

That was ten years ago. Let me tell you what I’ve learned since. I just turned twenty nine years old and I wasn’t diagnosed with ASD until I was twenty-three. I still want to make a difference every single day but there was something missing. I had missed the mark somewhere in my journey.

Selflessness and unconditional love are important and were something I believe Jesus wanted us to show others more than anything else but they are lost when you lose sight of self worth. I had forgotten to take care of myself. I had forgotten that I meant something too. I was so consumed with taking care of others, I had forgotten that in order to give back, we first need something to offer. 

This means something different for everyone but to me, this Easter, as I reflect on the Cross, I feel gratitude. I think of how Jesus had nothing Earthly but everything Heavenly to offer every one he met and served. 

For some reason, this year, everywhere I turn people seem to be offering joy back. At first I felt a deep sense of shame. I thought “Why would someone care so much about me?” At first I thought, perhaps…they must pity me. Then I realized that there is something magical about learning to accept joy and love. That it’s not always about offering it. Learning to accept love in return is not an easy task for me and I have a feeling I’m not the only one.

This year…I am letting go of pain and hanging on to love. I still feel dedicated to finding ways to give back but I’m taking the time to absorb and reflect on the many ways others have shown me the same. That’s where my cup fills up. That is what inspires me to keep going.

As most of you know, this month is also Autism Awareness Month, I want to ask you this – when we look at the example we have been given by whichever religion we follow- was there ever a moment where our God (or Gods) ever suggested we should offer anything but compassion for those around us? Were we ever encouraged to judge others for being different? No.

So let us be different but united by what moves us to stand firm and advocate for ourselves or loved ones or both. Let us give back but accept what we are given. Let us find peace in the knowing that our struggles only make us stronger. Let us find that the red, blue, and yellow ribbon is not just an unfinished puzzle, but something that ties us together.


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A Jar of Stars – A Poem

Firelight grows and burns

in your tired owl eyes

growing brighter like

splashes of white & golden light

Crackling and bursting

like sparks of an unlocking padlock

Foreshadowing the reveal of 

a lost and almost forgotten garden-

then you laugh//

and I fall back into the moment

as I lean back to study the stars

wishing I could capture the grounding constellations 

in a jar of roots dancing like fireflies

and I reach out slowly//

to hold your hand

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