What Does it Mean To Be Brave?

Sometimes crying is so healing. I don’t just mean sniffling, I mean sobbing so hard you can hardly breathe. I don’t even feel sad. I just feel like there is so much inside of me that needs to be set free. The past couple of months have been so emotional for me. I’ve had to look myself in the eye and see myself for who I really am. Not a pretty sight.

I wanted to be someone who made a difference. I dreamed of being a leader and showing the world that we can accept each other for we are. It’s hard to do that when I can’t even accept who I am right?

I’m sitting here sobbing. One glass of wine later and here I am with Josh Groban’s new song “Brave” blasting into my ears. This song is so moving. But what does that mean? What does it really mean?

Does it mean smiling when I don’t feel so strong? How do some people stay so strong and so closed off? I feel vulnerable to the entire world. I’m going to keep listening to this song tonight until I can answer that question.

I know that God loves me, so why can’t I love myself? Is that even the issue?

This song is going to be my song for this year. I’m going to listen to it every day if I need to. I can do this.

Philippians 4:13 “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength”

Advertisements

About Gretchen Leary

I am 30 years old, I live in the Boston area, and I am writing from the perspective of an individual with Asperger's Syndrome.
This entry was posted in ASD, Aspergers, Autism and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to What Does it Mean To Be Brave?

  1. gardenlilie says:

    Oh, baby, you break my heart. But that’s okay don’t feel bad. I’m fairly certain you will find your strength, because you are reaching out. First off, ask yourself what do you love about you, name some things … there you go see we all have great stuff even if it’s just for us and nobody else appreciates it. Be glad for what you have inside yourself and who you are .. you are beautiful. Now that doesn’t mean all of us wouldn’t like to hear it from someone who means something to us, whomever they be, a close friend , a husband or a friend, maybe even a stranger. 🙂

  2. Catherine Johnson says:

    I think you need a positive distraction. I know what it’s like in winter for some creatives. Things are magnified a thousand times over. Michael Buble is nice to listen to. Take care!

  3. Gretchen, have you seen a behavior modification specialist, a PhD? They don’t prescribe drugs; they simply work with Aspies in amazing ways. Riley has been seeing one for a long while, and that, along with an anti=anxiety pill to help with anxiety, has really helped.

    I used to pray til my knees were raw that whatever had been visited on Riley be on ME instead. Then I realized that God also gave us brains to ask for help that is palpable and fingers to push the buttons on the phone. Buble and Groban are also great!! (Groban’s “You Life Me Up” is a favorite inspiration).

    Also, do you have a 12-step or Aspie/Autism support group? You sound isolated, kiddo. Yeah, and I sound like a total yenta, but oh well. I just love you, is all! Amy

  4. Imelda says:

    I was this many years ago. I would cry and sob for no reason. I always find fault in myself, I still do. Sometimes I wondered how God could love me. Hang on. Contrary to what you may think of yourself, you are wonderful and loved, especially by God. It is alright to cry and cry out loud. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s