Goodbye (For Good?)

Spoiler Alert – I will not be discussing much of the actual plot from Wicked but a scene from the show inspired me to write this which will be vaguely discussed. If you have not yet seen this show, I would absolutely recommend it! It’s incredible. If you know nothing about the story line – read no further if you hope to/plan to see it. I don’t want to spoil anything for anyone.

I saw the Broadway show this afternoon with a very good friend of mine during our short trip to New York City this weekend and, as always, my brain always makes parallels from everyday things to my life. There was one song from the show that I immediately connected with called “For Good” (Clip from the official Wicked mobile YouTube Channel)

It reminded me that there have been many people I have met in my life who have shown up for various reasons and then disappeared again. It made me think of how my brain always seems to jump to who is to blame and why it happened in order to process why things ended. This song blew me away because when heard with the context of the story it really challenged me to re-think the concept of closure and why I always seem to need it so badly.

One of the biggest challenges I have heard of people with Aspergers Syndrome, that I can completely relate to, is that we often have a hard time putting ourselves in other people’s shoes or seeing a situation from someone else’s point of view. It’s my nature to assume that when something sad or bad happens, that one is the one at fault and one is the victim. It’s very black and white and no room for much gray. Often times I blame myself if a friendship or relationship ends.

This song reminded me that sometimes its easy to forget that there are always two sides to a story and that sometimes not everything is as it seems. Maybe no one is really to blame – why does the word “goodbye” always have to be a sad thing? Why can’t it just mean that whatever purpose you met them for has come full circle and you’re now meant to go separate ways.

This is very difficult in terms of my father but in the spirit of letting go, this concept is very helpful with several other people I’ve met over the last decade. It really inspired me to remember that letting to doesn’t mean forgetting the good they brought into your life, sometimes it just means you’ve outgrown each other for now.

My very “all or nothing” way of thinking often limits my ability to read between the lines. But the more I grow and the more I work hard to hold fast to humility, gratitude, and the good moments, the more I will be able to let go. This song was so moving to me. I was literally blinking back tears remembering that it is so easy to judge our past and others and live life focused on regrets instead of living in the moment instead.

I think that if I can learn to “be in the moment” I will also learn to relax a bit. I am looking forward to that. It sounds so peaceful and so much happier than the way I have been living – unknowingly forever lost in my mistakes to fix them.

A wise person once told me “Maybe there was nothing to fix” – how true is that? It’s amazing how some of the most simple things go right over my head repeatedly. It seems life will always be a social challenge but I am determined to make the best of it.

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About Gretchen Leary

I am 30 years old, I live in the Boston area, and I am writing from the perspective of an individual with Asperger's Syndrome.
This entry was posted in ASD, Aspergers, Autism and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Goodbye (For Good?)

  1. gardenlilie says:

    This is good. The ole saying, we are born alone and die alone is so true. However, we don’t live our life alone. People need people, find the kind you relate to best. I really feel friends come n go n a couple stay forever.

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