Sometimes I feel like I learn a concept but cannot actually understand it and this leads to me going in circles and unable to let go of whatever it is because I know it’s important. It is so odd at times how normal I must seem to others but how frustrated and overwhelmed I feel on the inside.
Some have said that I seem so self aware. I would agree that I am very self aware on many levels but it doesn’t mean I understand why I don’t understand many things or why I continue to do some things that I do.
I feel stuck inside my thoughts at times. I am forever analyzing patterns of behavior and well just about… everything. I feel drawn to things that clearly have strong patterns.
What is so frustrating to me is this – to be able to analyze and focus so intently on one simple social concept and feel like I have solved the puzzle only to realize that even when all of the pieces fit, I often do not understand the full picture that all of those pieces create.
I feel like I can even write it out for people to read and think I understand a concept but cannot seem to put it into practice in a way that is natural or I find I was wrong all along.
And so it begins… all over again.