Sometimes

Sometimes I don’t know what to write. During those times it’s nearly impossible to force it to happen. It’s like my creative side has fallen asleep for a period of time.

Tonight we watched the movie Breakfast at Tiffany’s. It was the first time that I have ever seen that movie which is so odd since I have a fascination for Tiffany jewelry. It was somewhat predictable but that’s what I like about it. I don’t like surprises. But I do love British accents. Always wanted one. 🙂

I feel like after what happened in Boston my brain temporarily shut down. All I could feel was this heavy drowsy sadness at first and then the heaviness lifted but the creativity didn’t return.

I think I am still just trying to get back to a normal place. I don’t handle change well. It makes me extremely anxious most of the time which usually just leads to me crying a lot. But for now, this sadness has left me with a muse-less sense of peace.

Why can’t I have the best of both worlds? I tend to want to write when I am sad and when I am happy I tend to want to read so this is an odd twist. But I am just embracing this quieter side for a little while. It feels more peaceful in a way but less exciting at the same time.

I feel like I am slowly reeling in my creativity again. Maybe this time I can try to push what was my normal intensity into my writing and out of my social life so I can be more successful at small talk. I know I cannot outgrow my disability but I can grow and I can let go. I already have. I may be stubborn but I am no quitter. Well, not when it counts anyway.