Sometimes I don’t know what to write. During those times it’s nearly impossible to force it to happen. It’s like my creative side has fallen asleep for a period of time.

Tonight we watched the movie Breakfast at Tiffany’s. It was the first time that I have ever seen that movie which is so odd since I have a fascination for Tiffany jewelry. It was somewhat predictable but that’s what I like about it. I don’t like surprises. But I do love British accents. Always wanted one. 🙂

I feel like after what happened in Boston my brain temporarily shut down. All I could feel was this heavy drowsy sadness at first and then the heaviness lifted but the creativity didn’t return.

I think I am still just trying to get back to a normal place. I don’t handle change well. It makes me extremely anxious most of the time which usually just leads to me crying a lot. But for now, this sadness has left me with a muse-less sense of peace.

Why can’t I have the best of both worlds? I tend to want to write when I am sad and when I am happy I tend to want to read so this is an odd twist. But I am just embracing this quieter side for a little while. It feels more peaceful in a way but less exciting at the same time.

I feel like I am slowly reeling in my creativity again. Maybe this time I can try to push what was my normal intensity into my writing and out of my social life so I can be more successful at small talk. I know I cannot outgrow my disability but I can grow and I can let go. I already have. I may be stubborn but I am no quitter. Well, not when it counts anyway.

About Gretchen McIntire (formerly Leary)

I am 34 years old, I live in the Raleigh area, and I am writing from the perspective of an individual with Asperger's Syndrome.
This entry was posted in ASD, Aspergers, Autism and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Sometimes

  1. gardenlilie says:

    Oh Gretchen … I’m in the midst of copying down songs right now n yes feel your plight, no creative juice amidst lights out. Looking at stuff from last summer when the river was abundant. You got it going on gurl !!!

  2. Imelda says:

    Perhaps, during this time of quiet, you are soaking in some poems without you knowing it. IN time, the fruits of this silence will get to paper.

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