Maybe – A Poem

Rain beats against the panes
as I lay in bed unwillingly awake
I just want to spin the
ticking hands ahead
of the clock that mocks me
the sudden dizziness
that robs me of all my energy
I just want to dream of peace
If I close my eyes, I can almost
imagine a day of normalcy
Less dizziness, not today…
but maybe tomorrow

Gretchen Leary 2013

So few people know what postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. I was diagnosed with this in 2007 when I suffered paralysis attacks which with some small doses of electrolytes seemed to be under control. For some reason, it seems to be back. Dizziness upon sitting or standing, cold sweats, sudden low blood pressure, rapid pulse, blood pooling in feet, chills etc etc etc. Heat and stress are big triggers and while the doctor is still trying to rule out diabetes insipidous, I’m guessing its the “POTS” again. Some days are okay, some are horrible and some seem great and then suddenly go downhill. After four ER visits and about 10 Drs appointments while I await my appointment with my autonomic specialist, I am just taking it one day at a time. That’s all I can do, right?

About Gretchen McIntire (formerly Leary)

I am 34 years old, I live in the Raleigh area, and I am writing from the perspective of an individual with Asperger's Syndrome.
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22 Responses to Maybe – A Poem

  1. marvaseaton says:

    Stay positive the mind is powerful and miracles are still possible. Sometimes you just have to take it one day at a time.

  2. claudia says:

    oh – i’m so sad to hear this… sound like a tough time you’re going through – really hope that you’re soon feeling better…ugh… blessings and hugs your way gretchen

  3. Mary says:

    This sounds so difficult, Gretchen, and frightening. I hope there will be a solution for you so that you can live those days of normalcy you see when you close your eyes.

  4. So sorry. Yet you manage to squeeze out something precious from every experience. Thank you, Gretchen. You are brave.

  5. brian miller says:

    oh i am sorry to hear you are going through this gretchen….i hope they can get it under control…as the symptoms def do not sound fun at all…..

  6. Waltermarks says:

    That sounds terrible. It’s hard to keep cool too in the Summer heat. At least try a little of Dr. Ben & Jerry’s for a pick-me-up, something with double dutch chocolate and nuts if you can. Prayers,

  7. I’m so sorry you have to go through this…gretchen. Symptoms are hard to handle but with meditation and control you can get through anything. 🙂

    Great poem..

  8. Grace says:

    So sad to read this too ~ I hope you feel better or will be healed ~

  9. Laurie Kolp says:

    Bless you! I hope you get some relief soon.

  10. kelly says:

    Oh, I’m so sorry. This poem really hit home with me, I had a long illness years ago, and one of the things I was tested for was POTS…. You captured the feelings of helplessness so well, the waiting and the wondering.

    I hope you are feeling better very soon. xo

  11. I’m glad you could at least express yourself via poetry. Hope you feel better soon. I used to like in Hull.

  12. Wow, Gretchen, you’ve got a right to sing the blues, as we used to say. POST sounds like an absolute pain… hope the doctor can find some relief for you.

    Your last line is my mantra, so, you know? Keep the faith, Amy

  13. Poet Laundry says:

    Oh, I do hope your days improve! Sounds tough to go through Gretchen!

  14. I feel empathy, this sounds very difficult. I do hope you have the support of friends and family. I have only been to the hospital once in the past 39 years so my heart goes out to you, take good care.

  15. 1emeraldcity says:

    Ah, this is a rough patch for you…hope the specialists can help you soon.! ~jackie~

  16. MarinaSofia says:

    Oh, I hope you (and the doctors) can find a way out of this soon, Gretchen. Meanwhile, you have such a way of expressing even those difficult times and thoughts.

  17. This make me sad to read.. hope and the poem tells your about your struggles in a very understandable way. It must be hard when you know there is help … but you wait…. and wait.

  18. dreamersteve says:

    somehow your poetry tells me you will survive..all these and more..your words tell me life is deep in your in spite of it all..nice poetry Gretchen

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