I’ve had some much to say and no words to share it all. As I sit here listening to “Let It Be” by The Beatles, I’m finding some of those words although most details are far too private to share with the world.
Sometimes life catches you by surprise. 2013 and 2014 were the most challenging years of my life to date but I’m stronger than I was before. I have learned so much about perspective and that despite my need for routine and my dislike of change, it does not negate the need for change at times. I am learning very quickly that sometimes change is actually a good thing.
Coming to the realization that my marriage wasn’t working…and wasn’t going to get better… wasn’t easy. Now, I can look back and see why I held so tightly to the hope that it would…if I just tried harder. After all…isn’t that what most will tell you? Keep trying. Keep pushing. Marriage isn’t easy.
What I learned is that it’s not about who was in the wrong. It’s not about pointing fingers. It’s about growing and letting go. I went through so many emotions. Anger with myself and them, overflowing moments of sorrow, forgiveness, and then finally it came…peace.
But this isn’t just about my divorce. I’ve grieved that loss and a couple of others as well. Grief and pain tend to come in multiples and so I had to do a lot of soul searching to find that peace. I will always deal with daily anxiety but I have found some new coping skills to help me deal with it in a healthier way.
I’ve been facing my fears a lot over the last few months. It’s interesting to know that when you stare fear in the face it starts to lose it’s power because there are usually no logical roots to keep it grounded. Stomping out some of those fears has been amazing.
This month marked a brand start for me. I still come face to face with daily challenges but I have found that prayer has become a priority again. I have found my smile again. It’s all about perspective. So instead of living in constant fear I am choosing to focus on gratitude. It’s really that simple.